1 00:00:07,181 --> 00:00:08,921 Thank you for the blood, Steve. 2 00:00:08,922 --> 00:00:12,098 Uh, by any chance, did you start eating strawberries recently? 3 00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:14,840 Yeah. I'm getting into smoothies. 4 00:00:14,841 --> 00:00:16,885 - Yum. Well, keep it up. - Say, you want to hang 5 00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:18,409 really quick? Watch a game? 6 00:00:18,410 --> 00:00:20,106 - No, thank you. - We could just read together. 7 00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:21,677 - [door closes] - CHARLES: Liz. 8 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,990 You owe me five dollars. It was strawberries. 9 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,548 Charles, do you think, I-I don't know, 10 00:00:26,635 --> 00:00:29,986 maybe it's possible that you're a little rude to Steve? 11 00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:32,336 To who? Oh, the walking blood bag? 12 00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:34,295 I don't think I'm rude to him, no. 13 00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:36,775 Okay, well, it's just, he's clearly craving 14 00:00:36,906 --> 00:00:38,656 some sort of connection with you, 15 00:00:38,657 --> 00:00:40,213 and I think if you took the time to get to know Steve, 16 00:00:40,214 --> 00:00:43,217 who knows, you might really like him. 17 00:00:43,218 --> 00:00:45,566 Unfortunately, I don't have that kind of time. 18 00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:47,830 - You literally live forever. - And yet, 19 00:00:48,004 --> 00:00:49,571 still not long enough for Steve. 20 00:00:50,311 --> 00:00:52,182 Mmm! 21 00:00:52,313 --> 00:00:54,967 Delicious, fresh-squeezed Steve. 22 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,622 [exhales] Yeah, could I get some of that? 23 00:00:57,709 --> 00:00:59,146 Mm-hmm. 24 00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:01,974 ? ? 25 00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,504 Does that look straight? 26 00:01:09,591 --> 00:01:11,375 Yeah. 27 00:01:11,376 --> 00:01:14,247 Mom, is it wise for us to have a nine-million-dollar painting 28 00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:16,380 just hanging in our entryway? 29 00:01:16,554 --> 00:01:18,364 Nobody knows it's an actual Renoir. 30 00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:21,037 And this way, I get to enjoy it. 31 00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:23,996 And think back on a beautiful summer. 32 00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:25,824 Okay. Always kind of wondered, 33 00:01:25,825 --> 00:01:28,870 did anything ever happen between you and that Renoir guy? 34 00:01:28,871 --> 00:01:30,786 No. But he wanted it to. 35 00:01:30,873 --> 00:01:33,484 He caught a glimpse of my knee at a Parisian picnic. 36 00:01:33,615 --> 00:01:36,792 Oof. I left him panting like a dog. 37 00:01:36,879 --> 00:01:38,968 - Mom. - You asked. 38 00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:41,623 Ugh, you hung that thing up again? 39 00:01:41,753 --> 00:01:42,972 Hello, Phyllis. 40 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,793 It's like every house we move to, 41 00:01:44,794 --> 00:01:46,888 we have to have that crappy knockoff in the entryway. 42 00:01:46,889 --> 00:01:48,879 It doesn't even look like a real Renoir. 43 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:51,066 Well, we can't all have your eye, Phyllis. 44 00:01:51,067 --> 00:01:52,627 You know who makes great stuff? 45 00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:55,158 My friend Diane Rispoli. Puts it up on Etsy. 46 00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:57,682 What that woman can do with dry macaroni. 47 00:01:57,813 --> 00:02:00,511 Now, that's art. 48 00:02:00,512 --> 00:02:04,035 I actually have seen some of Diane's stuff. It's good. 49 00:02:04,036 --> 00:02:06,387 - Okay. - What? 50 00:02:06,517 --> 00:02:08,215 CHARLES: Ugh, that was a day. 51 00:02:08,345 --> 00:02:11,870 I am so excited to sit on my couch 52 00:02:12,044 --> 00:02:13,829 and enjoy a little Steve. 53 00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:15,787 STEVE: Aww, shucks, 54 00:02:15,918 --> 00:02:18,508 well, I'm excited to enjoy myself a little Charles. 55 00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:19,878 Oh, my God. 56 00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:22,403 We're having a game night, apparently. 57 00:02:22,533 --> 00:02:24,056 LIZ: Max planned it, 58 00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:25,928 and he invited Steve. 59 00:02:26,102 --> 00:02:27,582 As a fun surprise for all of us. 60 00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:30,139 STEVE: It's so cool to be inside your guys' house. 61 00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:32,630 It looks so different from all my sketches. 62 00:02:32,631 --> 00:02:35,415 - Good, Charles, you're home. - Max, a word in the other room? 63 00:02:35,416 --> 00:02:37,461 Or we could just dive in. 64 00:02:37,548 --> 00:02:40,769 But the other room sounds good, too. Sure. 65 00:02:40,899 --> 00:02:43,598 I'll take some chicken potpie, if it's easy. 66 00:02:43,599 --> 00:02:45,381 You invited him over for game night? 67 00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:47,079 What were you thinking? 68 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:49,516 Hasn't anyone ever taught you not to play with your food? 69 00:02:49,517 --> 00:02:52,259 Charles, he's not just food, he's a person, okay? 70 00:02:52,389 --> 00:02:54,261 Come on. This will mean so much to him 71 00:02:54,348 --> 00:02:56,158 - and cost you so little. - Game night. 72 00:02:56,159 --> 00:02:58,612 Why must humans devise such elaborate ways to waste 73 00:02:58,613 --> 00:03:00,745 - the brief time they have? - [sighs] 74 00:03:00,746 --> 00:03:02,137 You know what? You're right. 75 00:03:02,138 --> 00:03:02,964 It's probably not your thing anyway. 76 00:03:02,965 --> 00:03:04,313 Especially the trivia game 77 00:03:04,314 --> 00:03:05,923 that we were gonna play, Minutia Battle, 78 00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:07,622 in which the person with the most 79 00:03:07,623 --> 00:03:09,753 arcane knowledge of history and world events 80 00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:13,802 gets to rub it in everyone else's faces. 81 00:03:13,889 --> 00:03:16,021 Mm. 82 00:03:16,152 --> 00:03:18,676 Um, I suppose I could give it an hour. 83 00:03:18,677 --> 00:03:22,679 "Which German craftsman invented the printing press in 1450?" 84 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,160 Johannes Gutenberg, 85 00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:27,061 although movable type was already in use in East Asia, 86 00:03:27,076 --> 00:03:28,904 a persnickety correction 87 00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:31,080 that earns me three Pedantic Points. 88 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,961 - Boom! - EMMA: Can we get into some 89 00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:34,692 post-Renaissance minutia? 90 00:03:34,693 --> 00:03:36,302 Yeah, or how about some Old West stuff? 91 00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:38,435 Maybe some 1980s Miami car culture? 92 00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:40,089 STEVE: Wow. 93 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,700 - Charles, you're so smart. - Oh. 94 00:03:42,831 --> 00:03:44,224 I wish I was smart. 95 00:03:44,225 --> 00:03:45,311 Oh. 96 00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:46,661 You okay there, Steve? 97 00:03:46,748 --> 00:03:48,271 I'm feeling a little down, 98 00:03:48,402 --> 00:03:50,012 maybe 'cause I just turned 50. 99 00:03:50,013 --> 00:03:51,317 Oh, when was your birthday? 100 00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:52,754 - Today. - Dear God. 101 00:03:52,928 --> 00:03:55,974 - Today? - This is kind of my birthday party. 102 00:03:55,975 --> 00:03:57,975 - Oh, no. - And just hearing about all these 103 00:03:57,976 --> 00:03:59,803 accomplished people from throughout history, 104 00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:02,154 these kings and inventors and pop divas? 105 00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:03,808 It makes me realize 106 00:04:03,809 --> 00:04:05,461 I've never really done anything with my life. 107 00:04:05,462 --> 00:04:06,724 Hey, look at me. 108 00:04:06,855 --> 00:04:09,292 It is never too late. 109 00:04:09,423 --> 00:04:12,469 Today is the first day of the rest of your life, Steve. 110 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:15,080 And if you go for it, anything is possible. 111 00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:17,126 - Do you really think so? - Yeah. 112 00:04:17,127 --> 00:04:18,692 I mean, listen to this man, Steve. 113 00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:20,347 He is a master motivator. 114 00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:21,527 Personal trainer. 115 00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:23,698 - Wow. - And I firmly believe 116 00:04:23,699 --> 00:04:25,176 that if you set your mind to it, 117 00:04:25,177 --> 00:04:27,397 you can do anything that you want. 118 00:04:27,398 --> 00:04:29,790 Except doing a taco with your tongue. 119 00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:31,227 That is genetics. 120 00:04:31,228 --> 00:04:34,490 - [door closes] - PHYLLIS: Okay, sue me, 121 00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:36,232 I went shopping. 122 00:04:36,233 --> 00:04:38,842 But I got a lot of fun stuff for decorating the house. 123 00:04:38,843 --> 00:04:40,715 Oh, wow, Phyllis, that is so great. 124 00:04:40,716 --> 00:04:42,803 - Tell me all about it. - EMMA: Every time we move, 125 00:04:42,804 --> 00:04:45,153 Phyllis really wants to put her stamp on the decorating, 126 00:04:45,154 --> 00:04:46,590 but my mom is a pro. 127 00:04:46,721 --> 00:04:49,245 How great is this? 128 00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:51,987 - Whoa... - I dare you to look at that and not smile. 129 00:04:52,074 --> 00:04:54,816 - I am smiling. - Now I know you like that 130 00:04:54,817 --> 00:04:57,121 knockoff Renoir, but I think this might look fabulous 131 00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:59,516 - in the entryway. - Huh. 132 00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:02,737 But do you really want this in such a transitional space 133 00:05:02,738 --> 00:05:04,825 where people are just sort of breezing past? 134 00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:07,654 - You thinking the living room? - That was my first thought. 135 00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:09,786 - Oh. - Although is that too "first thought"? 136 00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,179 Because you know the basement 137 00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:12,746 could really use some brightening up. 138 00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:14,749 Or... [laughs] I love this idea- 139 00:05:14,750 --> 00:05:16,837 why don't Charles and I have it in our bedroom? 140 00:05:16,838 --> 00:05:19,623 Absolutely not. The basement it is. 141 00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:22,757 Okay, but I'm gonna look at it a lot down there 142 00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:25,586 and you cannot stop me, Phyllis. 143 00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:29,024 - And that's how it's done. - MAX: Wow. 144 00:05:29,025 --> 00:05:30,764 - Is that a vampire power? - Nope. 145 00:05:30,765 --> 00:05:33,419 She's just been around a long time. Very manipulative. 146 00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:34,470 - Oh. - LIZ: Yeah. 147 00:05:34,595 --> 00:05:35,987 - Thank you. - EMMA: Mm-hmm. 148 00:05:35,988 --> 00:05:37,510 So, I just received a Craigslist message 149 00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:38,554 from our friend Steve the Blood Guy. 150 00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:40,470 Sort of a thank-you note. 151 00:05:40,471 --> 00:05:42,079 - Aww, that's so nice. - I said "sort of." 152 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:43,734 - There's more. - LIZ: Okay. 153 00:05:43,735 --> 00:05:45,561 - What is going on, Charles? - Let me read it to you 154 00:05:45,562 --> 00:05:47,792 in Steve's own words: "Dear Blythe family, 155 00:05:47,793 --> 00:05:49,609 "Thank you for the wonderful night. 156 00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:51,263 "And for changing my life. 157 00:05:51,394 --> 00:05:54,136 "Because of you, I've decided to follow my dreams. 158 00:05:54,223 --> 00:05:56,007 "So, I'm leaving town tonight. 159 00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:57,835 "Goodbye forever. 160 00:05:57,922 --> 00:06:00,142 - Love, Steve." - So... 161 00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:02,927 our blood supply is moving away? 162 00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:05,626 All because of young Max here. 163 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,417 Oh, boy. 164 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:18,465 That's it? 165 00:06:18,466 --> 00:06:19,987 Liz, these rations are brutal. 166 00:06:19,988 --> 00:06:21,738 I've been starving for three days. 167 00:06:21,739 --> 00:06:23,425 Then you'll be relieved to hear no more rationing, 168 00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:25,472 because we're officially out of blood. 169 00:06:25,473 --> 00:06:27,777 - JESSE: Oh, come on. - This cannot be happening. 170 00:06:27,778 --> 00:06:29,171 Still no reply from Steve. 171 00:06:29,172 --> 00:06:30,650 I've sent him, like, 30 Craigslist messages. 172 00:06:30,651 --> 00:06:32,303 How do you guys not have his phone number? 173 00:06:32,304 --> 00:06:34,218 - Or-or even his last name? - LIZ: Right, 174 00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:37,135 because this is our fault, Mr. Game Night. 175 00:06:37,222 --> 00:06:38,920 Sorry. Whoa, sorry. 176 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:40,312 I'm very hungry, Max. 177 00:06:40,443 --> 00:06:42,227 Do you have any idea how hard it is 178 00:06:42,228 --> 00:06:44,794 to find somebody willing to sell us his own blood, 179 00:06:44,795 --> 00:06:46,448 - no questions asked? - JESSE: Yeah. 180 00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:48,199 Finding a replacement is not easy. 181 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,799 I'm getting no luck with this new listing. 182 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:51,540 It's like, bro, I want your blood, 183 00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:53,107 I don't want to send you pictures of my feet. 184 00:06:53,108 --> 00:06:54,678 LIZ: I hate to say it, but maybe 185 00:06:54,805 --> 00:06:57,547 it's time to dust off The List. 186 00:06:57,721 --> 00:07:00,463 It's not what any of us want, but I think the moment 187 00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:02,596 - might call for it. - W-What is The List? 188 00:07:02,597 --> 00:07:04,901 It's a list of people we can kill in times of scarcity. 189 00:07:04,902 --> 00:07:06,512 You know, those that the world wouldn't miss: 190 00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:08,993 loners, losers, waiters who say, 191 00:07:08,994 --> 00:07:11,081 "We do things a little differently around here." 192 00:07:11,082 --> 00:07:12,866 LIZ: Unfortunately, we haven't lived 193 00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:15,783 in Seattle very long, so The List is just a guy 194 00:07:15,784 --> 00:07:18,088 who stole Charles's parking space at Target... 195 00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:20,396 - Quite right. - ...and our elderly neighbor 196 00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:22,267 - Mrs. Kellerman. - MAX: What? 197 00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:24,618 The sweet old lady who's always gardening? 198 00:07:24,619 --> 00:07:26,488 Widowed last fall, beset with bunions. 199 00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:27,837 We'd almost be doing her a favor. 200 00:07:27,838 --> 00:07:29,231 MAX: No. No, no, no. No. 201 00:07:29,232 --> 00:07:30,710 T-There has to be another way to get blood. 202 00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:33,148 - What about animals? - [gasps] Oh, wait. 203 00:07:33,278 --> 00:07:34,715 We never thought of animals. 204 00:07:34,716 --> 00:07:37,151 CHARLES: Max has revolutionized our entire existence. 205 00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:39,720 Why, songs will be sung about him. 206 00:07:39,721 --> 00:07:41,764 - Animal blood doesn't work, man. - Yeah, I got that. 207 00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:43,592 Wait, you guys, what about a blood bank? 208 00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:45,289 JESSE: Nah, they don't do withdrawals. 209 00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:47,640 I've asked, and they get really weird about it. 210 00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:49,991 No, I'm talking about robbing a blood bank. 211 00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:52,297 - That's interesting. - JESSE: Dude. Yes. 212 00:07:52,298 --> 00:07:53,994 I've always wanted to rob a bank. 213 00:07:53,995 --> 00:07:55,343 I don't know if you know this about me, 214 00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:56,693 but I'm from the Old West. 215 00:07:56,824 --> 00:07:59,696 Or as we used to call it back then, the West. 216 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,533 [Phyllis growls] 217 00:08:04,658 --> 00:08:06,355 No, that's not right. 218 00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:07,878 What do giraffes say? 219 00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:10,435 Oh. Hey, Phyllis. Don't mind me, I'm just grabbing 220 00:08:10,436 --> 00:08:12,969 - some clothes from my boxes. - Oh, yeah, you got a lot of stuff down here. 221 00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:15,494 Yeah, I know, I should really go through and weed some stuff out. 222 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,147 At the old place, I was living alone. 223 00:08:17,148 --> 00:08:19,280 - I'm still getting used to this coven life. - What? 224 00:08:19,281 --> 00:08:21,501 I said that I'm loving life. 225 00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:23,371 W-Which is of course 'cause I'm alive. 226 00:08:23,372 --> 00:08:25,547 The point is, I'm keeping my boxes down here 227 00:08:25,548 --> 00:08:26,461 for the time being 'cause Liz said 228 00:08:26,462 --> 00:08:27,902 she wanted them out of the way. 229 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,553 So, she said the basement 230 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:33,034 is where she wanted things out of the way? 231 00:08:33,164 --> 00:08:35,036 - Uh, yeah. - Huh. 232 00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:36,216 Interesting. 233 00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:37,908 Is it? 234 00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:42,217 ? ? 235 00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:49,964 Son of a bitch. She played me. 236 00:08:51,792 --> 00:08:53,402 And nobody plays Phyllis. 237 00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:55,796 You want to know why? 238 00:09:00,322 --> 00:09:01,882 'Cause you're a really big dill. 239 00:09:01,932 --> 00:09:03,586 Exactly. 240 00:09:03,587 --> 00:09:05,413 JESSE: All right, here's the mission: 241 00:09:05,414 --> 00:09:07,502 we break into the blood bank, secure the goods 242 00:09:07,503 --> 00:09:08,643 and escape undetected. 243 00:09:08,809 --> 00:09:10,201 And here's how we do it. 244 00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:12,160 We roll up under cover of night. 245 00:09:12,161 --> 00:09:14,465 Max, you'll use bolt cutters to breach the perimeter. 246 00:09:14,466 --> 00:09:16,512 I could easily use super strength 247 00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:18,166 to just rip the fence open, 248 00:09:18,167 --> 00:09:20,254 - but wanted you to feel included. - MAX: Thank you. 249 00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:21,995 JESSE: Once we're through the fence, Charles, 250 00:09:21,996 --> 00:09:24,693 you'll use telekinesis to disable the security cameras. 251 00:09:24,694 --> 00:09:25,955 Then Emma, you'll pick the locks, 252 00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:27,654 because you've got tiny hands 253 00:09:27,828 --> 00:09:29,264 and you dated Houdini. 254 00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:30,787 - What? - Max, I have a past. 255 00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:32,223 Get over it. 256 00:09:32,224 --> 00:09:34,181 JESSE: Once we're in, I evade security 257 00:09:34,182 --> 00:09:35,879 and get the goods. 258 00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:40,275 - Wow. That's high. - Hey. 259 00:09:40,405 --> 00:09:43,626 JESSE: Then we grab the blood and we're out. 260 00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:46,237 Bingo. 261 00:09:46,411 --> 00:09:47,461 Now, let's do this. 262 00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:49,240 - Yep. - After they close. 263 00:09:49,241 --> 00:09:51,154 - Oh, yeah. - JESSE: And when it gets dark. 264 00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:52,939 - Maybe let the traffic die down. - CHARLES: So, like, 265 00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:54,505 - a while from now. - Yeah, like, a little while. 266 00:09:54,506 --> 00:09:56,072 - Want to watch a movie? - Let's watch a movie. 267 00:09:56,073 --> 00:09:57,639 - Yeah, let's watch a movie. - Just relax a little bit. 268 00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,294 Okay, let's go. 269 00:10:01,035 --> 00:10:02,950 Oh! Phyllis. 270 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:05,039 [exhales] Phyllis? 271 00:10:05,126 --> 00:10:06,562 Liz? 272 00:10:06,563 --> 00:10:08,519 What is that giraffe painting doing on the wall? 273 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:12,307 And why is my Renoir... type painting over there? 274 00:10:12,308 --> 00:10:14,090 Because you tricked me into hiding 275 00:10:14,091 --> 00:10:16,137 my giraffe in the basement. 276 00:10:16,138 --> 00:10:18,921 Just like you've been doing to all my cool statement pieces 277 00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:20,732 for, apparently, the last 30 years. 278 00:10:20,837 --> 00:10:23,067 - Well, that ends now, lady. - Okay, Phyllis, 279 00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:24,406 I am very hungry. 280 00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:26,190 I haven't eaten all day. 281 00:10:26,321 --> 00:10:29,063 I really don't want to debate this with you right now. 282 00:10:29,193 --> 00:10:32,849 I can't have that giraffe in the entryway. 283 00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:35,025 - Why not? - Because it's not art. 284 00:10:35,156 --> 00:10:36,505 It's garbage. 285 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,508 Hideous, tacky, junk-bin crap. 286 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,510 Just like everything you buy. 287 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,121 - You take that back. - No. 288 00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:47,734 Well, then, your painting is garbage now, too. 289 00:10:47,864 --> 00:10:50,301 - What does that mean? - It means this. 290 00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:51,825 No! No, no! [screams] 291 00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:53,957 [gasps] 292 00:10:53,958 --> 00:10:56,350 EMMA: Just give me a minute with this lock, guys. 293 00:10:56,351 --> 00:10:58,613 Charles, great job with those security cameras. 294 00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:00,702 - Thank you. - And Max, I'm sure you could've cut 295 00:11:00,703 --> 00:11:02,269 through a fence had there been one. 296 00:11:02,270 --> 00:11:03,792 - We believe in you. - MAX: Yeah? 297 00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:05,576 I mean, I've got special skills, too, you know, 298 00:11:05,577 --> 00:11:08,057 even if I haven't developed a bunch of vampire powers yet. 299 00:11:08,058 --> 00:11:10,016 - Like what? - Uh, conversational Spanish. 300 00:11:10,017 --> 00:11:11,582 Horseback riding. Also, I was captain 301 00:11:11,583 --> 00:11:12,846 of my college improv team. 302 00:11:12,847 --> 00:11:14,673 - Really? - Well, I mean, we were all captains. 303 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,022 It's a collaborative art form. 304 00:11:16,023 --> 00:11:17,153 - [lock clicks] - Got it. 305 00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:18,416 Hey. Yes, Emma. 306 00:11:18,503 --> 00:11:20,549 Hey, excellent teamwork, guys. 307 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,334 We planned, we executed and now we finish the job. 308 00:11:23,508 --> 00:11:26,207 - Oh, crap. - What? 309 00:11:26,208 --> 00:11:28,730 We can't enter without being formally invited in. 310 00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:30,951 Oh, because we're... Right, got it. 311 00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:32,953 - Little fly in the ointment. - Oh. 312 00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:37,305 - Oh, here. - Oh. You, sir. 313 00:11:37,435 --> 00:11:38,872 CHARLES: Hello. 314 00:11:38,873 --> 00:11:40,307 Would you mind inviting us in? 315 00:11:40,308 --> 00:11:42,963 Just a simple invite. 316 00:11:43,093 --> 00:11:45,661 - JESSE: Ah. Thank you. - EMMA: Yay. 317 00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:47,228 [alarm sounding] 318 00:11:47,229 --> 00:11:49,011 - EMMA: Guess not. Okay. Go. - CHARLES: Oh- oh... 319 00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:50,884 JESSE: Okay, run, run, run. Go. Yeah. 320 00:11:54,128 --> 00:11:57,106 Maybe we do this in the kitchen. 321 00:11:57,107 --> 00:11:58,717 You know? Lot of tile, easy cleanup. 322 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,588 No, I think the living room will work. 323 00:12:00,589 --> 00:12:02,808 We'll put a tarp down and just roll her body up in that 324 00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:04,853 - when we're done. - What are you guys talking about? 325 00:12:04,854 --> 00:12:06,844 EMMA: It's time. We have no other choice. 326 00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:09,113 - We're killing Kellerman. - What? Guys, no. 327 00:12:09,114 --> 00:12:11,077 We invited her over for tea, which we're gonna 328 00:12:11,078 --> 00:12:12,992 let her have, 'cause it's the decent thing to do. 329 00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:14,673 Before you literally murder her? 330 00:12:14,674 --> 00:12:16,169 CHARLES: Look, none of us wants to kill Mrs. Kellerman. 331 00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:18,128 I do. She looks delicious. 332 00:12:18,129 --> 00:12:20,260 Her skin's so papery-thin, she's a delicacy. 333 00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:22,480 But, uh, do we have to kill her? I mean, 334 00:12:22,481 --> 00:12:24,438 can't-can't we just bite her and suck a little of her blood? 335 00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:25,918 Oh, yes, we'll just drink a little bit 336 00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:27,311 and send her on her way. 337 00:12:27,312 --> 00:12:28,921 What a revelatory idea. He's done it again. 338 00:12:28,922 --> 00:12:30,618 Dad, he doesn't know. He's trying to help. 339 00:12:30,619 --> 00:12:32,489 Biting her would turn her into a vampire, Max. 340 00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:34,014 - But in Twilight... - Never 341 00:12:34,015 --> 00:12:35,318 - "but in Twilight" us, bro. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 342 00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:37,147 [doorbell rings] 343 00:12:37,321 --> 00:12:38,975 Hello. 344 00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:40,585 - Steve? - STEVE: Hi. 345 00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:43,414 I got all your messages. I'm back. 346 00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:44,807 My dream didn't work out. 347 00:12:44,938 --> 00:12:46,896 I'm basically a complete failure. 348 00:12:46,897 --> 00:12:48,592 Uh-huh. Say, is there blood in that cooler? 349 00:12:48,593 --> 00:12:50,291 Oh. Yeah. 350 00:12:50,421 --> 00:12:53,207 - Here you go. - Well, I should be going. 351 00:12:53,208 --> 00:12:55,295 Y-You're not even gonna try to hang out? 352 00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:57,079 What's the point? Why would anyone 353 00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,950 want to hang out with a loser like me? 354 00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:01,719 All righty, then. See you Wednesday. 355 00:13:02,390 --> 00:13:04,392 Oh, mama. 356 00:13:04,522 --> 00:13:06,307 Who's hungry? 357 00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:07,487 What? What? 358 00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:08,744 He just seemed so sad. 359 00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:10,641 Yeah, I don't feel great about this. 360 00:13:10,642 --> 00:13:12,007 Isn't this what we all wanted? 361 00:13:12,008 --> 00:13:13,880 Steve's back, the blood is flowing. 362 00:13:13,881 --> 00:13:15,837 Plus, added bonus, he doesn't even want to hang out anymore. 363 00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:18,667 Because he seems like he lost his will to live. 364 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,368 I just feel like we know him now. 365 00:13:20,369 --> 00:13:21,930 You know, we played games together. 366 00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:23,193 We watched him eat nuts. 367 00:13:23,367 --> 00:13:25,282 I miss his laugh. 368 00:13:25,413 --> 00:13:27,110 This is ridiculous. 369 00:13:27,197 --> 00:13:31,201 But I also newly feel some concern for Steve's well-being. 370 00:13:31,332 --> 00:13:32,681 Damn you, Max. 371 00:13:32,768 --> 00:13:34,726 Well, let's go get him. We'll fan out, 372 00:13:34,727 --> 00:13:35,814 super-speed, we'll find his car. 373 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,424 He can't have gotten too far yet. 374 00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:38,905 [Steve crying] 375 00:13:39,079 --> 00:13:42,212 Yeah, I think he's crying on our stoop. 376 00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:43,431 Steve? 377 00:13:43,432 --> 00:13:45,214 STEVE: I just need a couple minutes. 378 00:13:45,215 --> 00:13:46,912 CHARLES: All right. We'll down some Steve, 379 00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:48,697 and then find out why Steve's down. 380 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,158 - JESSE: Yeah. - EMMA: Yeah. 381 00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:53,006 - Hey, Liz. Can I come in? - Mm. Yes. 382 00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:54,186 Sure, Phyllis. 383 00:13:54,311 --> 00:13:55,443 I want to apologize. 384 00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:57,837 I'm sorry for lashing out. 385 00:13:58,881 --> 00:14:00,187 It's not an excuse, 386 00:14:00,188 --> 00:14:01,970 but I am recovering from the bubonic plague, 387 00:14:01,971 --> 00:14:03,886 and the meds make me a little edgy. 388 00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:05,583 I'm sorry, too. 389 00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:08,351 I shouldn't have said those things. 390 00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:12,329 It's just, that painting is quite valuable. 391 00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:14,766 I get it. Valuable to you. 392 00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:16,647 Like the giraffe painting is to me. 393 00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:18,988 [laughs softly] Right. 394 00:14:18,989 --> 00:14:21,163 When I first moved in with Jesse and you guys, 395 00:14:21,164 --> 00:14:23,165 it felt like I was moving into your house. 396 00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:25,036 And I didn't want to step on your toes. 397 00:14:25,037 --> 00:14:27,343 And I know it can be hard when another mama giraffe 398 00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:28,519 joins the herd. 399 00:14:28,650 --> 00:14:29,999 There can be conflict. 400 00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:34,177 [low bellow] 401 00:14:34,351 --> 00:14:35,962 W-What is- what is that? 402 00:14:36,049 --> 00:14:37,964 It's a giraffe sound. I looked it up. 403 00:14:38,138 --> 00:14:40,575 They actually don't have vocal cords 404 00:14:40,705 --> 00:14:44,013 but occasionally emit low humming sounds. 405 00:14:44,144 --> 00:14:46,886 - Okay. - Anyway, I hoped eventually 406 00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:49,192 your house would become our house. 407 00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:51,064 But it never really did, 408 00:14:51,151 --> 00:14:53,109 which kind of makes me sad. 409 00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:54,328 Hmm. 410 00:14:54,502 --> 00:14:57,070 [low bellow] 411 00:14:57,071 --> 00:14:58,853 Again, they only make the one sound, 412 00:14:58,854 --> 00:15:01,509 so it sort of has to encompass a range of emotion. 413 00:15:01,639 --> 00:15:03,293 Got it. Look, 414 00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:06,166 I just think we have very different taste. 415 00:15:06,296 --> 00:15:08,124 But you're right, Phyllis. 416 00:15:08,125 --> 00:15:09,690 I guess I never really thought about things 417 00:15:09,691 --> 00:15:10,734 from your perspective. 418 00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:12,868 This is our house. 419 00:15:13,042 --> 00:15:16,176 And going forward, I promise to be more mindful of that. 420 00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:18,613 Aww, that's sweet. 421 00:15:18,614 --> 00:15:20,222 - [laughs softly] - But talk is cheap. 422 00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:22,704 - What? - I want three funny mugs in the kitchen, 423 00:15:22,705 --> 00:15:24,661 two sassy pillows in the living room, 424 00:15:24,662 --> 00:15:26,533 and my gnomes are going on that mantel. 425 00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:27,665 The gnomes? Really? 426 00:15:27,839 --> 00:15:29,319 Gnome sweet gnome, baby. 427 00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:31,931 And if not, I turn the whole house against you. 428 00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:34,585 Jesse's got a lot of framed hockey jerseys 429 00:15:34,716 --> 00:15:36,500 stowed away in that basement. 430 00:15:36,501 --> 00:15:38,197 And I think I heard Max say something 431 00:15:38,198 --> 00:15:40,128 about his collection of jazz posters. 432 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,679 Stop. Stop. 433 00:15:41,853 --> 00:15:45,466 Okay, we can do the Christmas gnomes. 434 00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:47,207 [chuckles]: Oh, sweetie. 435 00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:49,949 They're not seasonal. Those babies are year-round. 436 00:15:50,079 --> 00:15:52,429 I got to say, Phyllis, I'm a little impressed. 437 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,257 I didn't know you had this in you. 438 00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:55,708 Well, I'm a really big dill. 439 00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:57,478 Did you say "dill"? 440 00:15:57,608 --> 00:16:00,568 It'll make more sense when you see your new living room. 441 00:16:00,698 --> 00:16:02,135 [chuckling] 442 00:16:03,614 --> 00:16:05,486 So, where did you go, Steve? 443 00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:06,791 Tell us what happened. 444 00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:09,664 The story begins a long time ago. 445 00:16:09,838 --> 00:16:12,580 When I was a boy, I watched that movie Rudy, 446 00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:15,409 about an undersized kid with a big dream 447 00:16:15,496 --> 00:16:18,412 to walk on to the Notre Dame football team. 448 00:16:18,542 --> 00:16:19,761 Ah, that's a great movie. 449 00:16:19,762 --> 00:16:21,240 You know, I actually prefer Hoosiers, 450 00:16:21,241 --> 00:16:22,893 if we're comparing Indiana-based sport films. 451 00:16:22,894 --> 00:16:25,593 But you can read more about that on my Letterboxd. 452 00:16:25,594 --> 00:16:26,680 Sorry, go on. 453 00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:28,900 I had a dream, just like Rudy. 454 00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:32,208 But then, years passed, and I forgot about my dream. 455 00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:35,429 Until game night at my 50th birthday party. 456 00:16:35,430 --> 00:16:37,647 JESSE: So, what was it, bro? 457 00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:39,259 I mean, what was the dream? 458 00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:42,740 To walk on to the Notre Dame football team. 459 00:16:42,741 --> 00:16:44,045 I said it was just like Rudy. 460 00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:45,486 Are you guys even listening? 461 00:16:45,487 --> 00:16:47,570 Oh, so you weren't just inspired by Rudy, 462 00:16:47,571 --> 00:16:49,225 you literally copied his dream. 463 00:16:49,226 --> 00:16:50,921 CHARLES: Sorry, just quickly, you tried 464 00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:52,271 to walk on to the Notre Dame football team 465 00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:53,708 at age 50? 466 00:16:53,709 --> 00:16:55,752 Don't you have to be enrolled at the school? 467 00:16:55,753 --> 00:16:57,189 You sound just like the security guard. 468 00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:58,713 Who was not cool and not wise 469 00:16:58,714 --> 00:17:01,193 and did not take me under his wing like Charles Dutton. 470 00:17:01,194 --> 00:17:03,674 And just like that, my dream was dead. 471 00:17:03,805 --> 00:17:05,894 And now, here I am. 472 00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:07,504 Back to being a failure. 473 00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:10,464 Oh. Y-You're not a failure, Steve. 474 00:17:10,594 --> 00:17:12,988 Oh, yeah? Why not? 475 00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:14,125 Why not? 476 00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:18,341 Why not indeed. 477 00:17:18,472 --> 00:17:19,690 MAX: Because... 478 00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:21,736 ...you... 479 00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:24,173 ...save lives. 480 00:17:24,174 --> 00:17:25,782 For instance, we have an elderly neighbor, 481 00:17:25,783 --> 00:17:27,262 Mrs. Kellerman, and she would be dead 482 00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:28,873 right now if it wasn't for you. 483 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,354 - What do you mean? - [Jesse chuckles] 484 00:17:31,355 --> 00:17:33,355 Yeah. Where are you going with this, Max? 485 00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:35,750 Well, I think Steve deserves to know the truth. 486 00:17:35,751 --> 00:17:37,316 - Is Steve wipe-able? - I don't know, 487 00:17:37,317 --> 00:17:39,318 - he's a pretty big guy. - It's based on weight? 488 00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:41,450 - It seems to have some bearing. - MAX: Steve, 489 00:17:41,451 --> 00:17:43,017 the reason that we buy your blood 490 00:17:43,018 --> 00:17:45,238 - is because... - [quietly]: Oh, my God. 491 00:17:45,239 --> 00:17:47,021 ...we are part of a secret government program. 492 00:17:47,022 --> 00:17:49,546 And your blood contains a rare protein 493 00:17:49,547 --> 00:17:51,330 that scientists use to synthesize 494 00:17:51,331 --> 00:17:53,115 cutting-edge medical treatments. 495 00:17:53,246 --> 00:17:55,248 - Really? - CHARLES: That's right. 496 00:17:55,378 --> 00:17:58,773 You have had an immeasurable impact on the world, Steve. 497 00:17:58,947 --> 00:18:01,515 I don't think it's an exaggeration to say 498 00:18:01,602 --> 00:18:04,431 you've saved hundreds of American lives. 499 00:18:04,561 --> 00:18:05,891 STEVE: So, I'm not really 500 00:18:05,954 --> 00:18:08,522 a failure, I'm... [gasps] 501 00:18:08,652 --> 00:18:09,827 ...a hero? 502 00:18:09,828 --> 00:18:10,827 That's right, buddy. 503 00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:12,134 MAX: Uh, and that's why 504 00:18:12,265 --> 00:18:14,223 we have to keep you at a distance. 505 00:18:14,224 --> 00:18:16,442 - Yep. - I mean, the less we know about you, the better. 506 00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:18,358 I mean, it's for your own protection. 507 00:18:18,532 --> 00:18:20,316 That makes complete sense. 508 00:18:20,403 --> 00:18:21,926 - Does it? - He's buying it. 509 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,451 In that case, I should go. 510 00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:27,103 You're welcome, America. 511 00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:28,411 Will you tell them? 512 00:18:28,542 --> 00:18:30,172 - Oh, yeah. We'll tell them. - Sure. 513 00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:33,590 Yes! 514 00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:36,854 JESSE: Max, that was awesome. 515 00:18:36,855 --> 00:18:39,421 Dude, did you just come up with that on the spot? 516 00:18:39,422 --> 00:18:41,945 - Oh, hell yeah I did. - That's why my guy was one of 20 517 00:18:41,946 --> 00:18:44,471 cocaptains of his college improv team. 518 00:18:44,472 --> 00:18:47,386 Our team name was Gag Reflex, 'cause, you know, 519 00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:49,954 - "gag" means joke, and... - Stop talking. 520 00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:56,135 You know, I must admit, 521 00:18:56,265 --> 00:18:58,075 I was glad we were able to help Steve. 522 00:18:58,076 --> 00:19:00,050 This may surprise you, but I do sometimes 523 00:19:00,051 --> 00:19:02,402 struggle with empathy. 524 00:19:02,532 --> 00:19:04,162 I might have noticed it a little. 525 00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:06,623 I think because it's so long since I was alive, 526 00:19:06,624 --> 00:19:08,363 I sometimes forget what it's like 527 00:19:08,364 --> 00:19:10,192 for those who still are. 528 00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:11,823 And it's good to get a reminder. 529 00:19:13,369 --> 00:19:15,359 Are you, are you thanking me, Charles? 530 00:19:15,458 --> 00:19:16,851 I'm just saying that, 531 00:19:16,852 --> 00:19:19,113 maybe, because you're so recently turned, 532 00:19:19,114 --> 00:19:21,508 you have a unique perspective and... 533 00:19:21,509 --> 00:19:23,813 perhaps there are things you could teach us all. 534 00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:24,989 - Wow. - Well... 535 00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,861 I really appreciate that. 536 00:19:26,862 --> 00:19:28,644 I mean, helping people is the reason I'm getting 537 00:19:28,645 --> 00:19:30,298 - my degree as a therapist. - [sighs] 538 00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:31,821 And to witness this kind of growth... 539 00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:33,997 All right, Tolstoy, I didn't ask for a Russian novel. 540 00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:36,087 Charles, good news. 541 00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:37,828 I spoke with an art restorer. 542 00:19:37,959 --> 00:19:39,526 The Renoir is fixable, 543 00:19:39,527 --> 00:19:41,135 and I can take it over there tomorrow. 544 00:19:41,136 --> 00:19:42,616 Ah, what a relief. 545 00:19:42,617 --> 00:19:44,704 Charles thanked me for teaching him human stuff. 546 00:19:44,705 --> 00:19:46,227 Didn't happen and you can't prove it. 547 00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:47,664 PHYLLIS: There you are. 548 00:19:47,795 --> 00:19:49,144 I have a surprise for you. 549 00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:50,325 LIZ: Okay. 550 00:19:50,450 --> 00:19:52,713 - What is it? - I know how much 551 00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:54,323 your painting meant to you, 552 00:19:54,324 --> 00:19:55,671 so I thought maybe I could fix it. 553 00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:58,153 And you know I am pretty handy with a glue gun. 554 00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,334 Oh, Phyllis, no. 555 00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:01,939 - I did it myself. - [groans] 556 00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:03,463 And I added a little zhuzh. 557 00:20:03,593 --> 00:20:04,899 What do you think, huh? 558 00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:07,162 - [crying softly] - Oh... 559 00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:08,381 PHYLLIS: Wow. 560 00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:09,947 I hoped you'd like it. 561 00:20:10,078 --> 00:20:12,515 I didn't expect you to be so moved. 562 00:20:12,646 --> 00:20:15,214 But crafting can be very powerful. 563 00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:17,303 - Looks good. - [Liz whimpers] 564 00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:20,654 - I like the little lizard. - [Liz wails] 565 00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:28,966 Captioning sponsored by CBS 566 00:20:29,097 --> 00:20:32,361 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 567 00:20:32,411 --> 00:20:36,961 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0